Garrison's "thawed out" day!!!

One year ago today, Will and I went to Jackson for them to transfer our only (and last) fertilized egg.

We don't share our story a lot, but today I feel like sharing a bit more of our journey. Infertility is very common, but not many people talk about it. It's extremely painful....physically, emotionally and spiritually. I gave myself shots every day for 16 weeks. At one point I gave myself three shots a day. (Will started out giving me the shots, but one time I flinched so he took the needle out without giving me the medicine and he had to poke me again. I started giving them to myself after that). Every month you wonder if you're pregnant. People begin to know way more intimate details of your life than you ever wanted them to know. I mean, who wants to talk to their dad about if you're ovulating and it's the right time to have sex or not. There is no telling how many ovulation tests and pregnancy tests I bought.

I also questioned God's timing. I would see a teenage unwed girl pregnant and wonder why it was so easy for her to get pregnant but not me. People would say, "it's all in God's timing," and while my head knew that was true, my heart still ached for a child.

We started the IVF process and tranfered two fertilized eggs in February 2009. One attached, but I had a miscarriage in March. That Mother's Day was hard. I know I have a baby I haven't met in Heaven. Will and I grieve in different ways. I painted an abstract painting of an empty womb. Will wrote a song. I ended up painting the words around the edges of my painting, incorporating both of our grief into once piece of art.

I don't understand everything about conceiving a baby, but I do know it's a miracle....whether it happens naturally or you have to have help. We were priveledged to see every step. Our specialist, Dr. John Isaacs, is amazing, and we highly recommend him to anyone struggling with infertility. His staff made us feel like we were their only family.

So one year ago today, July 2, 2009, we went into Dr. Isaacs' clinic for them to thaw and transfer our only surviving fertilized egg. Dr. Isaacs said it was like a wet cotton ball when it was frozen, and as it thawed out, it would become fluffy like a dry cotton ball. Incredible. I was talking to my mom today about how neither one of us understands how something living can be frozen and thawed out and still survive.

Ten days later we found out I was pregnant!!

We have friends who have adopted, and they celebrate their child's "gotcha" day. I think Will and I will celebrate Garrison's "thawed out" day!